What Do Your Sex Dreams Mean? Can You Stop Having Sex Dreams? Update 12/2024

You’re not alone if you’ve ever woken up wondering why your dreams were filled with steamy sex scenes with you as the protagonist.

It’s common to have sex-related fantasies. For the most part, it’s reasonable to say that we’ve all experienced them at least once in our lives, if not more. It is also typical to have dreams in which you engage in sexual activities with someone other than your romantic partner.

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Studies into the psychology of dreams have been ongoing for decades. When you dream, it’s up to you whether they’re reassuring or alarming, comforting or confused. Your sleep can also be affected by them.

Despite the fact that we spend an average of two hours a night dreaming, we only remember a fraction of our dreams. Although the majority of dreams occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, they can occur at any time during the sleep cycle.

Dreaming is common among adults, but sex dreams are not for everyone. Many therapists and psychologists have their own views regarding the significance of sex dreams, but scientific study does not get into specific sex dreams.

Why Do I Have Sex Dreams?

Although the neurological components of dreams have been studied extensively, little research has been done on the content and meaning of different types of dreams. There are, however, numerous theories about the importance of dreams to the human psyche. Theorists believe that our brains may map and store memories in our brains through our dreams. According to other studies, people use dreams as a coping mechanism to deal with stressful or painful situations in their lives.

Are Sex Dreams Normal?

It’s considered natural to have sex dreams. They’re also rather widespread. In their lifetime, more than 70% of people say they’ve had a sex dream. Having a disturbing dream about sleeping with your boss or cheating on your lover isn’t always a sign that something is off in your waking life. When it comes to dreams, it’s not unusual for people to experience them about people they know and engage with frequently.

What dreams can tell us

Even if our dreams leave us baffled and wondering why a specific topic emerged, we all want to know what they imply.

The content of your dreams is typically linked to the events in your waking life. It is possible to have terrible dreams if your days are filled with tension and stress. Your dreams could follow a different path if everything is going well and you’re feeling content.

Licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist, Dr. Janet Brito, says that dreams are a way of revealing what is hidden from you. This inner guiding system gives you commentary on how you’re living your life, reveals symbolic imagery for you to investigate with curiosity, and serves as an inner guidance system.

Dreams, according to Brito, are a way to express your emotions, aspirations, or a problem you’re attempting to solve.

The meaning of sex dreams

There is no one-size-fits-all method for interpreting a person’s sex dreams. Brito advises against interpreting a sex dream literally, saying that in order to get the most out of a dream, you should focus on its symbolic representation.

Break down the tale of your dream into three parts: the beginning, the middle, and the end, and focus on the feelings you’re having in your dream and on where the energy of your dream is taking you, specifically in terms of how your dream concludes, advises Brito. What your sex dream is attempting to tell you about yourself in the here and now, she says.

That’s why you shouldn’t take anything you saw or did with your boss in your dream the other night too seriously. No matter how “taboo” your sexual fantasies may be, they’re nothing to be concerned about. Just a little more digging will reveal what your unconscious mind has to say about your waking reality.

As a reminder, deciphering the meaning of sex dreams is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor. Everyone scenario has a different connotation for each of us. Sex dreams, on the other hand, have certain common motifs.

1. Sex with a stranger or acquaintance

What it may suggest:

Just because your libido is on the rise doesn’t mean that your desires are being addressed.

What to do about it:

Keep an open mind about this dream, but don’t get too absorbed in it. Having an active (or hyperactive) libido may be the cause. An open dialogue with your partner is an excellent place to begin in the event that this is the case Communicate your thoughts and desires to them, but keep in mind that they may not share your sentiments.

2. Recurring sex dreams with an ex

What it may suggest:

This could imply anything from adjusting to a new relationship to unresolved grief over an old one, depending on how often you have these nightmares and how long you’ve been apart from your ex.

What to do about it:

Allow yourself some time to acclimate to having sex with a new partner if you’ve just ended a relationship. The longer it’s been since your split and you’re still having sexual fantasies about your ex, the more likely it is that you have unresolved grief over the split or are unhappy in your present relationship and need to get professional help.

3. Sex dreams involving BDSM

What it may suggest:

Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism are all part of the BDSM lexicon, which is why the acronym is known as BDSM. Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills family and relationship psychologist, says that having a dream about being tied up and dominated by a love object (person) may indicate that you had an overbearing mother or father. The urge to exert control or the expectation that others take the initiative are two more possible interpretations.

What to do about it:

“Our sexual experiences are personal and private,” argues Walfish, “there is nothing weird, immoral, or unnatural about this.”

You should gently tell your lover exactly what you’d like to try if you want to try BDSM or toys, she advises. Express your satisfaction with them as your partner and offer to return the favor by attempting something new that you know they’ll appreciate.

4. Oral sex

What it may suggest:

Even though you’ve been taught from an early age not to engage in any kind of oral sex because it’s considered disgusting and undesirable, you may still harbor a secret longing for it.

What to do about it:

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Many people are afraid to give oral sex, yet some people enjoy receiving it, according to Walfish’s observations. Since that is the case, it’s crucial that you and your spouse have an open dialogue about how the discomfort is manifested and whether or not it can be alleviated.

5. Sex with a student or teacher

What it may suggest:

If you had a lovely, narcissistic father, this dream could be a sign that he neglected you as a child. In their fantasies, they imagine that they are completely adored by an authoritative character.

What to do about it:

For those who have this dream because they seek the attention of an authority figure, Walfish suggests that they take some time to figure out who it is that they actually want to be loved by.

You may be able to write it off if you have a good relationship with this individual and no longer have tension about it, or you could seek professional help if you still feel conflicted.”

6. Sex in the bathtub

What it may suggest:

The visual stimulation of looking at an inanimate object can lead to arousal and sexual arousal in certain persons.

The design of a bathtub spout, for example, may look like the male penis, while the sculpture of a naked body can be a tremendous turn-on. It’s common for people to imagine a sex scene with an inanimate object and then masturbate to that imagined scene later on.

What to do about it:

You’re not doing anything improper or abnormal by doing this. Walfish advises going with the flow as long as it doesn’t harm yourself or anyone else.

7. Sex dreams involving dirty talk

What it may suggest:

Walfish speculates that this kind of dream could be a sign that a prim and proper person is longing to let go and be more at ease in their own skin. To be free of their own self-judgment and obsession with how others perceive them may be a deep-seated desire in their hearts.

What to do about it:

According to Walfish, “You have two options: you may either let go of this dream and pass it off as nothing, or you can use it as a method to study dirty discourse.” Dirty talk can be dangerous if your partner finds it offensive or believes it has a negative connotation, as she points out.

That’s why, as always, open and honest communication is essential to getting to know your partner better.

8. Cheating on Your Partner

It is possible that if you have an infidelity-related dream in your waking life, you are experiencing feelings of jealously or a lack of closeness with your existing partner. With your partner, you may find it helpful to explore any potential issues that may arise.

9. Sex With an Authority Figure

If you have a sex dream about a person in authority over you, it may be a sign that you are looking for their approval.

10. With a teacher or boss

“You want the attributes of a boss,” Loewenberg argues, keeping in mind that sleeping with someone in a dream generally reflects a desire for that person’s qualities. “You’d like to have more power, be in command, and be able to make more decisive judgments. It’s also possible that you’re hoping to establish some sort of rapport with your superior in order to earn their trust and respect.”

11. With a celebrity

Celebrities have a lot on their shoulders. If you’re fantasizing about snoozing with one, chances are there’s something about them you crave. “Always keep in mind that the key to success is maintaining a strong line of communication. A trait in the character they played in a movie may be what piques your interest if it is [a movie star] “According to what Loewenberg has to say,

12. In public

Dreaming about having sex in public is a regular occurrence. There is significance to the environment of a dream, according to Loewenberg, who notes that “wherever you find yourself in a dream, no matter what’s happening in the scene, is vital to pay attention to.”

If you dream of having sex in public, this could indicate that you are preoccupied with gaining social prestige or recognition. You may also be looking for validation for the traits that the person you’re sleeping with possesses.

13. In the bathroom

Loewenberg believes that if you’re fantasizing about having sex in the bathroom, you may be in need of “some cleansing and releasing” in another aspect of your life.

Having a partner in your dream “may be a sign from your subconscious that by using this person’s qualities, you can help purify that negativity from your life and conduct.”

14. In the kitchen

For this reason, dreaming of having sex in the kitchen is a favorable indicator that “something is in the works,” according to Loewenberg.

If you’re imagining yourself in a kitchen, it suggests that you’re working on an idea or project that will nourish you emotionally, psychologically, and financially. According to her, you can use your dream partner’s actions as a signpost to the quality or behavior that will help your project progress.

15. With a friend

If you had a sexual dream, Loewenberg says “it might sometimes be about connecting or coming together on some level psychologically or emotionally.” “Have you been in touch recently? Were you surprised to learn you had the same point of view or had been through the same experience as the person you were talking to?” Dreams can show you how you’ve connected or how you’d like to connect in the future.

How to get more in touch with your emotions

Sex dreams don’t need to be anchored in profound feelings or past traumas to be a tool to help you better understand and express your desires and emotions. Dream interpretation can help you better understand your feelings and desires, even if your dreams are more lighthearted.

Start a journal

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You can get a better sense of your reoccurring sex dreams by keeping a notebook next to your bed and writing down what you dreamed about. Review your dreams after three to five entries and see if there are any themes. You may wish to discuss your sentiments with your partner if they indicate a desire for closer closeness.

Brito tells us that one method to connect with our feelings is through dreams. According to Brito, other strategies to get in touch with your feelings include spending time alone, unplugging from your digital devices, and focusing on your body.

Do a body scan

Brito also advises putting aside some time each day to write down your thoughts. ‘Give yourself permission to make an appointment with your soul where you create space to connect with your heart essence,’ she says.

On order to begin, she recommends setting out 20-60 minutes in your calendar, turning off your phone and computer, brewing some tea, and taking five deep breaths before performing a body scan.

With the use of the body scan, you can learn to become more aware of the physical changes taking place within yourself as well as locate and name the emotions you are experiencing. It is important to “allow your body to reveal what feelings are residing in your body, like if your body could speak, what would it tell you.”

Dream Theories

Various theories on the subject of dreams are essential, as they reflect research into whether or not dreams have any bearing on everyday life and its problems. According to them, people should be able to learn more about themselves and their lives by exploring the meanings of their own reoccurring dream themes.

Continuity Theory

Dreams are thought to represent a continuation of the way people think and act in the actual world. This holds true for recurring themes and characters from a person’s daytime life as well.

Basically, the same things that people see in their dreams appear over and over again. According to one study, people’s reactions to events in their dreams mirror their responses to the same events if they occurred in the real world.

Regardless of how far-fetched or absurd an occurrence in a dream is, the dreamer’s reaction is congruent with their true self.

Non-Continuity Theory

Here, things get a little out of control. If your dreams begin to portray imaginary characters or timelines in your life begin to merge, then the non-continuity theory comes into play.

If a person had a dream about having sex with someone (such as their boss) with whom they would never have sex in real life owing to either a lack of attraction or an inability, this would demonstrate this notion (like with a famous person).

Non-continuity, according to some researchers, is a means for human brains to better organize their memories by fusing together old and fresh memories.

Others believe that these types of dreams might assist people make vital connections concerning the patterns of things they find themselves doing in real life.

For example, if you’re unhappy with how you react to something in real life and find yourself thinking about it frequently in your dreams, it may be a hint that you need to improve your response in the present.

Why These Theories Matter

Both of these dream hypotheses are essential to psychologists, who believe that they contribute to our mental well-being. When we look at these images, we can see how our minds connect and separate from the real world.

You should know that neither of these ideas about dreams claims that your dreams are a true reflection of your wishes. Your brain’s need for creativity or your stress levels may be the only factors at play.

Dreams and Stress

It’s not uncommon for dreams to get a little out there when you’re worried. In a research that tracked college students while they prepared for their final examinations, this was found to be true.

Recurring and frequent dreams are often caused by emotional stress, according to the study’s findings. In fact, the days running up to the final examinations showed that students were dreaming more than the days following the final exams. This clearly demonstrates that stress can have an effect on our dreams.

Can you stop having sex dreams?

Of course, fantasizing about sex isn’t the worst thing that might happen to someone. Loewenberg does give some suggestions, though, if the problem is recurrent or intrusive, or if you simply don’t want to keep dreaming about someone you don’t want to sleep with.

For her, the only method to get rid of a dream is to take action on what it tells you. “A dream is going to nag you and keep on delivering you the same message once more until you listen and take action,” she says. You should “then take the message and run with it” if you keep having dreams about your boss, she says. “Start taking charge of your own destiny. When you begin to take control, the dream will come to an end.”

Recall that “ask yourself, how can I connect with this person?” is the most important step in figuring out the message. Moreover, Loewenberg points out what it is about them that you admire or admire In this way, you might begin to embody whatever characteristic or trait you’ve identified.

The bottom line

It’s common to have sex-related fantasies. In most cases, these dreams are a reflection of your subconscious processing the events of the previous days.

Dreams that disturb you and happen frequently may warrant a visit to a mental health specialist who may help you understand what is happening.

In every other case, take a deep breath and think about how you may use your sex fantasies to better understand yourself.

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